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When The Devil Owned Me

For the first five decades my life the devil owned me!

there was a season when the devil owned me

Because of my own ignorance of God’s Word, the devil could torment me at will!

When My World Fell Apart

When I arrived at work on the morning of Monday, November 14, 1988, I was senior design engineer for a local manufacturing company.

By mid-morning, I was not. I had been fired.

For just a moment, try to imagine what that felt like.

Or perhaps you don’t have to imagine, because you’ve been there. You’ve known the feelings of shock, humiliation, helplessness, perhaps even anger and bitterness.

Wouldn’t you agree, though, that the worst part is the fear that follows? For me it would always invade in the middle of the night.

Consider my situation.

The job I had just lost had provided the only income our family had to live on. Joanne and I had four children, a house with not one but two mortgages, and many of the usual monthly bills.

What if I couldn’t get more work? Would we lose everything? What would become of us?

Actually, my situation was worse than just losing my job.

Something I didn’t realize when I went into engineering was that engineers are supposed to eventually transition into management. Technical skills quickly become obsolete. I was 46 years old, and 17 years out of college. Companies could usually hire younger, more recent graduates at a lower salary.

I had never aspired to management. And to be honest, my heart was no longer in being an engineer. So not only was I out of a job, I was also out of a career.

I knew I would have to start over.

The problem was, I didn’t as yet have another marketable skill.

And so the torment of fear and panic would come. Night after night I would find myself half awake. For a tiny fraction of a second, everything would be all right — and then I would remember.

In my half-conscious state, I would wonder why the bed was shaking. Then I would realize it was because my whole body was trembling as wave after wave of panic swept through my body. Worst of all, I felt completely helpless to do anything about it.

Let me ask those who know: do I exaggerate? Or do I paint an accurate picture of the torment that grips a terminated employee?

Of course, loss of a job is only one of many causes of fear. Perhaps your circumstance is the loss of a spouse, or a child who is in trouble. Maybe you’ve just gotten a bad report from your doctor.

Whatever the cause, the fear is the same.

For the sake of brevity, I’ll skip over many details of the next few years.

I changed careers, going from engineer, to entry-level computer programmer, to independent software developer.

I also began what will be for the rest of my life the daily practice of learning and applying life-transforming principles from the Bible.

That is by far the wisest decision I have ever made.

By the end of 1993 I had ventured into my own software consulting business. Part of my step of faith was the realization that asking God to protect us from financial ruin meant we had to give Him control of our finances.

Of the many scriptures that instruct us about stewardship, Jesus put it the quite succinctly when He said, “Give, and it shall be given to you. (Luke 6:38)

That’s when we started following God’s principles of stewardship. And for several years, our family enjoyed a degree of prosperity. (I’m going to write more about the importance of financial stewardship in the final part of this series.)

Then came the economic downturn of 2001. When the year began, I had several active projects and a couple of likely prospects. By mid-September: GONE. All of it. As in… nothing… no work.

But instead of feeling let down, I had learned to trust God to the point where I was certain He was at work and was using my predicament to teach me something.

I was right.

In mid-December of 2001, God called me to make another change.

I’ll tell you about that in the next part, entitled:
The Night I Stood Up To The Devil

~ Jan


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{ 5 comments… add one }
  • AML October 2, 2015, 6:31 AM

    Thank you for your articles. They are shedding some light in the dark.

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  • JoJo February 1, 2015, 1:03 AM

    Thanks for this blog..I am really enjoying the articles and my faith is being strengthened..God bless.

    Reply Link
    • Jan Smith February 12, 2015, 9:46 AM

      Hi, Jojo. What a blessing it is to me to know that the things I wrote are helping others.

      Reply Link
  • angel December 28, 2014, 4:45 PM

    I just want a demon in my body

    Reply Link
    • Jan Smith March 9, 2015, 5:28 PM

      Angel, you can’t mean that, right? Nobody wants a demon

      Reply Link