How I Conquered Fear and Panic

Jan Smith

Did you know that “most American Christians do not believe that Satan or the Holy Spirit exist”? That’s an actual quote from the Barna Group web site (www.barna.org). If you’re among those skeptics, let me tell you a true story that just might persuade you otherwise.

Wouldn’t you agree, though, that the worst part is the fear that follows? For me it would always invade in the middle of the night. Consider my situation. My former job had provided the only income our family had to live on. Joanne and I had four children, a house with two mortgages, and most of the usual monthly bills. What if I couldn’t get more work? Would we lose everything? What would become of us?

Actually, it was even worse than that. You see, something I didn’t know when I went into engineering was that engineers are supposed to eventually move into management. Technical skills become obsolete very quickly. Companies can often hire younger, more recent graduates at a lower salary. I had never aspired to management and to be honest, my heart was no longer in being an engineer. So not only was I out of a job, I was also out of a career. I knew I’d have to start over. Trouble was, I didn’t really have a marketable skill.

And so the torment of fear and panic would come. Night after night I would find myself half awake. For a tiny fraction of a second, everything would be all right… and then I would remember. In my half-awake state, I’d notice that the bed was shaking. Then I’d realize it was because my whole body was trembling as wave after wave of panic swept through my body. Worst of all, I felt completely helpless to do anything about it.

Let me ask those who know: do I exaggerate? Or do I paint an accurate picture of the torment that grips a terminated employee?

Of course, loss of work is but one of many causes of fear. Perhaps your circumstance is the loss of a spouse, or a child who’s in trouble. Maybe you’ve just gotten a bad report from your doctor. Whatever the cause, the fear is the same.

Back to the story. Brevity requires that I skip over many details of the next few years. I changed careers, going from engineer to entry-level computer programmer to independent consultant. I had also begun what will be
for the rest of my life the daily practice of learning and applying life-transforming principles from the Bible. By the end of 1993 I had ventured into my own software consulting business. Part of my step of faith was the realiza­tion that asking God to protect us from financial ruin meant we had to give Him control of our finances. Of the many scriptures that
instruct us about stewardship, Jesus put it the most succinctly when He said, “Give, and it shall be given to you…” (Luke 6:38)

That’s when we started following God’s principles of stewardship. And for several years, our family enjoyed a modest degree of prosperity.

Then came the economic downturn of 2001. When the year was young, I had several active projects and a couple of likely prospects. By mid-September… gone. All of it. As in… nothing… no work. But instead of feeling let down, I was certain God was at work and was using my predicament to teach me something. It was in December of 2001 that God called me to change careers from consultant to Christian writer.

About a year later, our son Jeff was in his final year of art college. In the tradition of starving artists everywhere, he couldn’t afford to hire a model. Instead, Jeff asked me to pose for him. I agreed, and suggested I pose holding my Bible.

As we set up the scene, I chose to open the Bible to Isaiah 43. My plan was to spend the posing-time segments—when I had to sit perfectly still—memorizing Scripture. The bottom of the right-hand page contained this passage:

I knew phrases such as “pass  through the waters” and “walk through fire” were poetic
references to suffering. God doesn’t promise a trouble-free life. Sometimes we get
soaked; sometimes we get singed. What’s important is knowing that God is with us through it all.

My initial intention was to learn new verses each time. Yet, session after session, I found myself wanting to see—needing to see—those reassuring promises from Isaiah: “…When you pass through the waters, I will be with you… when you walk through fire you shall not be burned”. Little did I know just how important those promises would be.

Ah, but this time I knew what to do. I knew the source of the fear, and I was equipped with the Truth.

Not wishing to wake Joanne, I rose to my feet and said softly, “Lord, I know you’re right here with me.” Then I began to recite God’s Words: “When you pass through the waters I will be with you… when you walk through fire you will not be burned.” As I spoke those Words softly into the darkness of the bedroom, the rush of fear and panic quickly subsided.

In a moment it was over. The feeling of impending doom was gone! Do you know why? Because to do battle with satan is to do battle with a bully, and that’s how bullies respond. When confronted with greater strength (in  this case, the power of God’s Word), they run!

The other crucial part of the process was the fact that I had pre-decided what I would do when facing fear. That’s how the victory is actually won. Like a soldier in battle, you have to know ahead of time what you will do. I knew that fear and panic are really battles against satan. So, following Jesus’ model in Matthew 4 (“It is written…”), I had rehearsed over and over my plan to attack satan’s lies with the Truth of God’s Word.

A week or two later, satan took another run at me as I slept. I dreamed I was lying awake in bed, in the midst of a full-blown panic attack. In my dream, the bed was shaking so hard it woke Joanne. She asked what was happening, and why the bed was shaking. I told her satan was trying to overwhelm me with panic. Then–still in the dream–I said to Joanne with just a trace of a smile, “Watch this!”

Once again I quoted God’s promise from Isaiah 43: “When you pass through
the waters I will be with you. When you walk through fire…”.

Suddenly, I was awake. I nearly burst out laughing as I realized how God had just come through for me again!

The next morning, I related my dream to Joanne. “You have,” she observed, “hard-wired yourself so completely that satan can’t even get to you in your sleep.”

Do you see why I like to encourage people to memorize a verse or two of Scripture? That’s how you get victory over satan. Look at these Words regarding satan from the lips of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ:

“There is no truth in him… he is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44).

To deal with satan is to deal with lies. When the lie satan places in your mind
says—as it did in my case—“ You’re all alone in this, and you’re going to lose
everything”, don’t panic. Instead, rest in the comfort of God’s promises: I’ll
be with you even in this time of trouble. As you persevere and put your trust in Me I’ll bring you through it. In the process, your faith will grow stronger.

Stated simply: If you deny the existence of satan or his ability to attack us, he has you. You’re playing right into his hands.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Jesus also said,

“If you remain in my Word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:31-32).

Freedom starts with knowing God’s Word.

Remember that old saying: “What you don’t know won’t hurt you”? That’s a lie! (Satan probably started that.) The truth is: “What you don’t know can never help you.” In my case, once I did the work of knowing, and began acting upon that knowledge, God did the part I could not possibly do.

God meant for us to use His Book. He loaded it with word pictures showing how He relates to us and how to live in harmony with Him. It’s packed with truths and principles that He gave us. Those truths are our weapons against an adversary who knows we’re defenseless without them.

“Portrait Of My Father” by Jeffrey Smith

www.jeffreysmithart.com